Hell (of a) Week

I am crazed. I forgot how hardcore hell week is. If you think I've done anything other than eat, work, rehearse, and sleep in the past few days, you are wrong. I haven't seen Kris conscious for more than 5 minutes in 4 days and counting.

So here's a couple of random tidbits to keep the readers happy:

• Go see my friend Sam's show. She's funny.
• Ladies, I present the answer to all your problems.
• My reaction to this is "So, if you're a gay woman but you're not from Lesbos, you're just a dyke?"
• Fat, Sugar, Carbs, I miss you! I'll see you in four days! I PROMISE.

Rule #10 - Only Buy Clothes That Make You Feel Like Doing A Small Dance

Today, happiness is...

• weighing 8 pounds less than I did last week.
• finding a dress in Forever XXI that looked so good on me it actually made me do a little dance in the dressing room. (The dancing may have also had something to do with Kate Nash being on the radio in the store.)
• that dress being a MEDIUM.
  
• discovering an old $20 store credit for Forever XXI in my wallet, making the dress cost $10!

The diet is working! I look and feel great! I just had rolled up slices of turkey and sliced cherry tomatoes for lunch, but I don't mind so much! Last night I had an amazing diet dinner. Apparently the secret to this diet is to use balsamic vinegar in everything :) I was actually bummed that it was too rainy for my daily walk (tho I did hustle the 18 blocks between my office and Forever XXI). Wait a minute, I'm starting to actually like exercise? I think there's something wrong with me.

But who cares? I look fabulous!

Have a Good Weekend!

I <3 Toast

The diet is going OK. It's seriously hard, but I haven't cheated  yet and I think I can make it. AND I think it's working. My happy thoughts have been looking forward to the next meal and thinking about how thin I will be and sharing laughs with Sarah over how we can't eat available non-diet food because it's been somehow tainted. When either of us is tempted, the other comes up with a comical reason why she can't eat it. My favorite so far has been that I couldn't stop in Penn Station for a Krispy Kreme because rats crawled in the case overnight and pooped all over them.

Nothing special to report. I'm in that mad dash to the finish of a play craziness that leaves little time for anything other that work, rehearsal, and sleep. Details on the play are forthcoming.

Please go vote for my boyfriend's band. They could win a chance to open up for Toad the Wet Sprocket in concert. Go to G-Rock Social, scroll down till you see the pic of Toad and choose Schocholautte from the dropdown menu under the picture. Go do it right now! Then do it again tomorrow and the day after that and...you get the idea.

And if you are free, go see them at the Trash Bar tonight. I can't go, but, ya know, you should.

In case you get blog fatigue (I know I can be wordy), let me put this at the top. Go to G-Rock Social and vote for Schocholautte. They could win a chance to open for Toad the Wet Sprocket. Vote frequently. In fact, vote constantly. (In case you can't figure it out, just go to the home page, scroll down and you should see a pic of Toad and then a dropdown menu for voting. All you have to do is select Schocholautte and click Vote.)

• Here's a short, sweet, little (beautifully edited) Office montage that proves that John Krasinski is one of the most attractive people on earth. (omg! I embedded a youtube video!)
• My company was awarded a good-sized job. Originally, we thought we were just going to get it unchallenged. Then, we found out there was another vendor bidding. Then, we thought they got it. Then, we found out that we did. Yay! It's good times for my company, always nice to get more work, we've been kind of slow and this will keep us working for a good long while.
• As you may have heard, after three drinks on Thursday night, my friend convinced me that doing a shot of Jaegermeister, my first ever, was a good idea. We went to the bar, we bought the drinks, we shot, and returned to the back room to continue watching the band and drunkenly dancing. I tossed my wallet back in my bag on the floor off to the side before rejoining the crowd. Or so I thought. Cut to Saturday afternoon when I'm getting ready to run some errands, go to grab my wallet and it is not anywhere. (Remarkable that I can go a day and a half before I notice my wallet is missing eh?) Anyway, I checked all my cards online and there was no untoward activity, so I crossed my fingers and left a message at the bar, in hopes that it was still there. The message was returned yesterday by a very kind angel by the name of Bebe and last night after work, I recovered my wallet completely intact. There are still good people in this world.
• I completed Day 1 of the Scarsdale Diet successfully, giving me the feeling that I can handle all 14 days. Sarah is a great support, doing this together with me. I don't love it, but I do feel like it will be effective.
• I am blonde once again and tan. Despite being unable to drive legally or access my money until 7 pm last night, I managed to conduct all the errands I needed to in order to show up to rehearsal tonight fully prepared to look the part. Plus, ya know, I know my lines. Excellent.

Best of Friends

It's a gorgeous Spring evening and I've just spent a couple hours sitting in my yard after spending an hour walking my neighborhood. I didn't go into the office today, I had a rockin' good time last night, and I have the house to myself tonight. I am just the happiest cat on earth.

I'm suddenly in a play again, coming to the rescue of a friend who needed to replace an actress on short notice. So I'll be playing the young girlfriend of an author who come to his wife of thirty years to ask her for a divorce so he can marry me in Best of Friends, by James Elward, with the Radburn Players.

In. Two. Weeks.

This doesn't really freak me out, but it is kind of crazy. I know I'll be able to learn the lines and the blocking and all, and the cast is great, so it's really no problem. Except that I am going to have to focus all available energy on it for that time, eating, breathing, and sleeping the play, so sorry if I'm not around much. I'm going over my lines again and again, getting together costumes and makeup. I'm gonna hafta go back to full blonde so all those hoping I'd finally go back to my natural color can suck it. And I'm getting the company to pay for a fake tan as that is part of the character and I am clearly not tan. 

There is one thing. And it's not really that I don't want to do it, so much as it is that I don't really look forward to the reaction I know I can expect. I have to go on a diet. Well, I don't  have to. No one is making me. But if I'm going to be seen on stage and I'm supposed to believeably be a 24 year-old grad student so hot that an older man's willing to divorce his wife and marry me, I want to slim down. I have been recommended a *medical* safe healthy diet that should allow for quick weight loss without any damaging effects that shouldn't be very hard to stick to, especially since it's only 2 weeks.

I can hear it already. You're beautiful. You don't need to lose weight. You're starving yourself. I'm worried about you. Look, it's really nice of you to be concerned and maybe you're just trying to be nice because "yeah you are kind of porky" isn't a very nice thing to say. But listen to the following: I never said I wasn't beautiful, I won't starve myself, I can't make you not worry, but there's no reason to. And most importantly, oh yes I do. People don't believe me. There are like 3 people I can think of who believe me when I say I need to lose weight. I'm blessed with an attractive figure and I'm not hugely overweight so a lot of people don't think I look like I need to lose any weight.

Look people. What do you picture when you think of a woman who weighs 159 pounds? Now put my face on her because that's it. I'm not saying that I just hate that number. I hate the way my body looks at that number. I have flab all over. I have no muscle tone. Clothes that should fit me, don't. And I do not look like a perky 24 year-old rich hottie. 

So I'm walking, every day, trying to get in an hour every day, and I'm going on the Scarsdale Medical Diet and I'd appreciate it if everyone would just let me do and in return, I promise you I won't damage myself in any way by doing this and I'll be much happier when I'm done and thinner and healthier.

That aside, I'm really excited to do this play and I hope you'll all come see it. Assuming any of you still want to be my friends after I've just bitched you out for being sweetly concerned about me :)

Little Things and Looking Forward

Today started out terrifically shitty. I woke up late, people were particularly rude on the train today, I fell and scraped my hand in Penn Station, I put every penny of my Christmas bonus in the mail and sent it off to the US government and I still owe them more, and I got my period. Not even a chocolate Krispy Kreme helped my mood. But then little things did.

• A smile caused by a friend who suggested a 9:30 am shot of tequila for my troubles.
• The fact that, though My Office Nemesis prattled on for about 20 minutes about how she accidentally opened her roommate's phone bill and she was afraid her roommate would be mad, I have the ability to pop in an earphone and tune out that nonsense. 
• The fact that, even though I don't get to spend my Christmas bonus on myself, I do get to be rid of my tax problems. 
• The fact that, even though Kris doesn't understand what it's like for a woman to go through this monthly cycle, he sympathizes, doesn't get frustrated with me or patronize me because of it, and tries to make me laugh. 
• The fact that I am going to see and old friend from college on Thursday and go to dinner at Sarah's on Saturday. Yeah, today sucks and I don't want to be doing what I'm doing and it's probably going to be more of the same all week. But at least I can look forward to a time when I'm happier and having more fun. 
• That I can be happy. I just read a blog post by one of my favorite musicians who has dissociative disorder. It makes me really sad for him, but it also makes me appreciate that in recent weeks and months I have learned how to be happy most of the time and I am. 

Who Would Win In A Fight Between The Hulk, Godzilla, and King Kong?

A lot has happened in the last week. I am practically incapacitated by it.

• Thursday and Friday, the band played shows to audiences including his family and my family. It was really fun and a good time was had by all.
• I completed Round 1 of the NYC Midnight Madness Screenwriting Competition. A lot of people have been confused, thinking this is the thing I do where I have to make a movie. Nope, this is the one where I had to write a script. I spent 5 days on one concept, trying to make it work, before scrapping it entirely and starting over with a new concept on Thursday afternoon. In 4 drafts, between then and Saturday night, I wrote a 15-page mystery that I am pretty proud of and I have to wait 6 weeks to see if it qualifies for the next round. If you wanna read it, holla. Big thanks to my beta readers, Kris and Sarah.
• Saturday was really the main event of the weekend. The band was to play a house party in Brooklyn. They had done one before, to great effect, so this time I decided to come, knowing it would be a late night (I was told they would go on at about 1 am). A carload of Kris's friends came up from South Jersey and met us at the house. We loaded up the kit and drove out to Kris's store to meet more of his friends/employees. While waiting for everybody to show up, we determined that, since this gig was gotten through friends of friends, we didn't actually know anyone at the party. One of our friends got to the party ahead of us and we imagined what it would be like if someone questioned her right to be there:

"Who are you?" 

"I'm Kat."

"Kat who?"

"I'm Sean's sister."

"Who's Sean?"

"Kris's friend."

"Who's Kris?"

"The drummer for the band."

"What band?!"

Any. Way. We finally got all our crew together and took off. I rode with the car who had neither directions nor a GPS and we almost lost our lead car. We made it there OK and loaded in the gear. The opening  "band" (a guy in zombie makeup and a cowboy hat with a guitar, a tambourine, and an ipod backing him up) was...well we decided to explore the neighborhood. We came upon a place called Barcade, which had old-school arcade games and alcohol, the perfect place for Kris and I :) Having located the money-dispensing game (all you have to do is put in your card and your secret code :) I got a couple drinks and started to feel much more comfortable. We hung out all over the party, watched some of the other bands, danced, chatted. Eventually we felt comfortable enough to take advantage of the house bar. It had been a long time since I had that much cheap-vodka-and-OJ-in-a-big-plastic-cup, but it helped. At some point we learned that one of Kris's friends kissed one of Kris's employees and it was the employee's first kiss. He celebrated by raiding the party's fridge and coming away with the prize of a jar of jelly. Argyle Johansen played a set and then Schocholautte went on, almost 3 hours after their proposed 1 am start time, and played for an hour. Rarely have I had such a time. Everyone was dancing (instead of me being the lone idiot at the front of an otherwise empty dance floor) clapping, singing, sweating, having a wonderful time. The band left every ounce of anything they had on the stage and I left it on the dance floor as well. We loaded the equipment and the people back up and headed for home, making it to bed, after a quick stop at the bagel store, at 7 am. 

Three. Hours. Later. Kris's phone rings with my favorite type of call, the "Hi, It's The Manager Of The Video Store Next To Your Store, No One Is There To Open The Store" call. Of course, one of the idiots who came to the party was supposed to open and didn't wake up. Tried to go back to sleep but an hour later, my overnight guests were awake and yapping so I rolled out of bed. I had big plans to make breakfast, which were leapt upon by one of Kris's friends mere seconds after I appeared out of the bedroom. Eventually I woke up enough to cook and we made a huge feast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes before our guests departed.

It was, without doubt, one of the most fun weekends in recent memory, worth any amount of aggravation, stress, or sleep-deprivation, which, except for sleep-deprivation, there wasn't much of. We laughed almost continuously and had a good old fashioned fun time. I bonded with Michael P's girl Haley over our mutual uncomfortableness in large groups of strangers. She's really a cool fun girl. It was, in the end, a most amazing weekend.

Which, let's face it kids, I'm pretty old and I won't be having another one of these for a WHILE. So it's good that I appreciate it as much as I do.

A Mystery About A Fridge

It is done. Weighing in at a full 15 pages and not a line less, Fritzy's Fridge has been submitted to the judges a full 5 hours before the deadline.

Now to drink and party all night long and then spend 6 weeks waiting to hear.

Anyone who wants to read the final product, holla.

The Internet Is For Porn (& other stuff too)

I had been planning to do a post about my favorite vlogs for a while, but now that I'm getting around to it, I realized I only have 2. So I'll just pepper them in among some of my other favorite stuff I found floating around the internet today.

(Things are MASSIVELY slow at work. And, yes, mom, I am writing, I actually have a rewrite of a 1st draft of my competition script in the works so don't get your panties in a knot. I'll get it out to anyone who wants to read it tonight.)

Today's Happy Thoughts

• I have a new live recording of Schocholautte and you don't! Well, it's not so much that you don't that makes me happy, as much as it is that I do. It's great. I am also psyched for the 3, count 'em 3, super shows lined up for this weekend. For which we are going to have many guests. Super exciting band stuff!
• OMG you guys! TWOP has totally changed their layout and it's freaking me OUT. Television Without Pity is a website that recaps tv shows (and now apparently, movies ?!?!?) and they have lots of funny writers and I have been following them for ages. They were recently bought by Bravo and a lot of changes have been made. Check 'em out, you're sure to find something there you like. Plus, bonus for you, the layout changes won't freak you out if you've never been there before. (NOTE: give them a little while before you go clicking, apparently the new layout is making them a little buggy.)
• While at TWOP, check out The Week Without Pity, one of my favorite vlogs. It outlines the best, worst, and guilty pleasurest shows of the week, all in about 4 minutes. The dry deadpan humor of djb, the vlogger, is pretty fantastic and he puts together funny images to go with them. It comes out every Friday. Check it out!
• There was a new Zero Punctuation up today. ZP is my other favorite vlog, brought to me by Kris, which will be obvious when you go check it out. Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw "is a British-born, currently Australian-based wirter and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder" who does video game reviews for Escapist Magazine. He talks really fast (hence the title) and is hilarious, even if you know nothing about games. The visual aids in the videos help you get the jokes and his British accent and humor make  you laugh. Check out the archives and then anxiously await a new one every Wednesday.
• Improv Everywhere is just so cool. I know you probably saw their frozen Grand Central stunt or something else online. You should check out all their missions. I highly recommend Best Game Ever.
• Torso Pants are just like t-shirts! 
• I really hope this guy gets somewhere with his career because he's a self-made star and really talented and just a genuinely nice guy.

What ain't no country I ever heard of.

A little treat for LOST fans.

And a classic fave in response.

I'm having a weird day. First thing in the morning I had a stranger diggin' around in my lady parts and now I'm trying to think of ways to calm Kris down out a stress that's usually ascribed to me.

Short Film, Bleacher Seat Sunburn, and My Name In Lights

So, let's see. This was actually a big weekend. 

• Thursday night was another hit rock and roll show, kicking off Schocholautte's month long residency at the Trash Bar. Always a good time and I expect many more to come.
• Friday there was very little to be done at work. I came in. I dicked around while awaiting some files to come in. The files came and the little work that needed to be done got done. At which point my boss was like "Well, no point in paying you to sit here and stare out the window, why dontcha go home?" Don't hafta tell me twice so I hightailed it out and had lunch with my mom and then got our long overdue laundry done at the mom-dramat, where the banana bread is fresh-baked and you can revel in a Tivo'd Masterpiece version of Jane Austen's Emma.
• There's this thing I did on a whim in the middle of the week, last week, and that thing was to sign up for the NYC Midnight Madness Screenwriting competition. My class is just about over and I'm kind of all about short films right now so why not another kick in the ass to get writing? A coworker asked "what's the prize?" and my answer is, I don't really care. So at any rate, Friday at midnight, my assignment arrived: A mystery about a refrigerator, in 15 pages, in a week. Anyone who wants to read, give a shout. Of course, there would have to be something to read first ("hey maybe you should be writing that instead of blogging!" I know, shut up).
• Saturday I got a long awaited haircut. I don't quite have the Posh Spice look I was hoping for, my hair's not long enough in the front yet. But I do look and feel fresher and prettier.
• Saturday afternoon I accompanied my sister's boyfriend to my first Yankee game of the season. She got him a block of Saturday bleacher seats but she had a big test so I took her place for this game. The Yanks lost and the game kinda dragged but the weather was gorgeous and we had a good time.
• I got back from the game just in time to grab Kris and haul him out for the premiere of that move I worked on a couple of years ago. For the first time ever, I was able to/had to pull a "Does it help me get in if I worked on the film?" I felt guilty, but I was on the crew and I didn't wanna drive an hour and a half and not get in. I spotted tons of people I remembered from working on the shoot, but because of my natural shyness, not being in the mood for introductions and small talk, and not being sure how well I am thought of by these folks, I flew under the radar and kept my head down. We crammed into a gorgeous huge old theater to watch the movie. I have to say, I was majorly impressed. I've read the script, I was there when it was being shot, and I know stuff about what it was based on. All of that, and the not-very-indicative trailer, made me think it would be kind of a mediocre summer rom-com. But it was actually pretty good, with some very good humor and great performances (I knew the actors were good, but I didn't get to spend a lot of time on set so I didn't see much of this). I was awash with memories for the entire screening, pointing out people I knew, crew members who appeared as extras, things that happened behind the scenes, etc. At the end, the list of people who made the movie possible rolled from the bottom of the screen to the top and my name was on it. One of the most amazing experiences of my life. I wish I could have taken a picture of it. I hope this movie makes it to theaters so everyone I know can see it. I also hope it makes it because it is a product of love from a lot of talented people. I complained a lot while working on it and since, but in hindsight, many of my complaints were not the movie's fault. The movie is great. I wish it well. It taught me a lot and it made me happy.
• Yesterday was a lovely sweet and lazy day that I can summarize thusly: sleep late, bacon, writing, House of the Dead, groceries, writing, freakout and breakthrough, tacos, tv, lovin', lying in the dark laughing uncontrollably while your boyfriend quotes The State.

Comedic Interlude II

Peter, one of my gay coworkers, and I are googling I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings looking for an answer to a simple question.

Peter: Oooh! SparkleNotes! Oh wait, no. That's SparkNotes.

Me: SparkleNotes is the gay version.

Ba-dum ksh!

These guys make it so easy.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Wasn't that fun? I gather by the non-reaction to yesterday's post that nobody read it, nobody fell for it, nobody thought it was funny or all three. Which is fine, it was clearly meant as a hardy-har-har type of April fool. Will someone please explain that to Kris, who got a little hot under the collar when I showed it to him?

Today's Happy Thought: BED

After a long struggle with money anxiety and morning soreness and stiffness and needing to buy new bedding and vying for enough space for me, Kris, the body pillow and the cat, we finally have a new bed.

It's a big gorgeous queen-sized Beautyrest. It was delivered this morning, not long after Kris and I rolled out of the old bed, giving us a pretty nice side-by-side comparison of how much better the new bed feels. I'd venture a guess that, since Kris is off today, that he hasn't left it yet and I don't blame him. It's probably the nicest thing I've ever bought for my home. The new sheets are gorgeous and comfy and I'm just so happy overall about the whole thing. 

And given how I have been slapping myself awake for the first half of the day, I am going to need it as soon as I get home :)

A secondary happy thought is that, while we weren't looking, the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen snuck right up on us! It's back and deliciously overdramatic and stupid. Ramsay's in fine form and the donkey contestants are...well, donkeys. I like quality programming too, don't get me wrong,  but this show is super-enjoyable.

Oh and YANKEES WIN! THEEEEEEEEEEEE YANKEES WIN!

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....Did you really buy that?

Dude. Check a calendar.

Happy April.