Thankful

• A man who loves and understands me
• A family who loves me and each other
• Friends who are always there for me in good times and bad
• A good job that keeps food on the table and the house warm
• A good home where I am happy to be and happy to call my own
• Freedom to do all the things I love
• The promise that the future holds
• that this dinner seems to be actually turning out OK
• YOU

Shoe Shopping...

Gentlemen, I apologize. Instead of reading the post, I suggest you watch this clip.

Ladies, less dramatically it is not making out with a patient's father that I need to discuss, but actual shoes. 

I need 'em. I just bought a super-cute pair of casual sneakers to replace my last pair of super-cute casual sneakers which I have worn holes into. But alas, as I have discovered, super-cute as they are, my new sneakers are failing on one very important front: keeping my feet warm. Not only are they made of very lightweight material, but the top is low cut, leaving my ankle and part of the top of my foot exposed. In weather that can only get colder, this will never do.

So I need new shoes. Something warm. Something cute. Something durable as they will be worn frequently whilst commuting to NYC in shitty winter weather. Something as versatile as the super-cute sneakers which can be worn with most casual wear, which is the bulk of my wardrobe. Something comfortable as I don't have the budget for cute-but-not-comfortable. Something with no or a very low heel, my feet don't handle heels well (I feel that they could if I could afford decent high-heeled shoes, but, see above). 

I don't know what this shoe is. It might be a sneaker, though I fear sneakers aren't warm enough. It can't be a clog because they give me smelly feet. It could be a flat but all the flats I see are either mostly open on top or ugly as sin. It might be a boot, as long as it doesn't have too much of a heel, but most do, aside from which many are tall boots which are generally out of the price range (and I don't have skinny jeans) and I don't know how I feel about ankle boots. 

I did have one great pair of black boots with a low heel that were comfy and came just a few inches above my ankle and I wore the hell out of them. I miss them and wish I could find just that so I guess that's what I'm looking for. Suggestions? I know I'm just going to end up scouring Zappos but I thought I'd throw it out there in case someone knows of a place like perfectandaffordableshoes.com or something.

Gentlemen, lace bra. As you were.

MIni-Happiness

It's been a trying day, or at least, it was a trying morning at work, spending my hours being bombarded by stupid questions from someone who works for me who clearly hadn't read the instructions I sent him. It made it seem as though I was not very good at my job. But then I remembered the majority of the people working for me were handling things just FINE and that most of the questions and definitely his attitude were unwarranted.

So a mini-blog of things that kept the day happy and kept me from crashing into self-defeat:

• A compliment from Sarah who had a look at the guidelines I designed for the project I'm managing and proclaimed "you do big stuff, lady." It's easy to forget that because I don't LOVE what I do and that it's kind of a fallback job more than a dream career, that I do rock at it and am quite competent and impressive.
• A surprise visit from Marissa who got rehired for more freelance work at my job, thanks to her connection to me. It was really nice to see her, but it was even nicer to hear her say "Now I can buy my family Christmas presents!" That made me really happy.
• I'm walking down the stairs to the subway and this REALLY CUTE guy looks up and totally checks me out. I am stunned by his cuteness and can't believe he was really looking at ME. At the bottom of the stairs I look back to see if I can see if he was really as cute as I thought he was and HE WAS LOOKING BACK AT ME! I know this is stupid and high school, and it in no way means anything about my relationship with Kris. It just made me feel good about myself.

And now back to the grind and hopefully recapping these happy moments will get me through a long night at the bookstore.

Proposed Turkey Day Menu

Two posts in two days. I know, wow, right?

I just sent my project launch emails and need something to take my mind off the fear that there is some minor mistake therein that will cause me to look stupid to my writers or some major mistake that will create a lot more work for me. So I've been thinking about my Thanksgiving Day menu and I thought I'd bounce it off the internet to see what it thinks. Let me know. This is just a 1st draft.

Lite Lunch 

fresh salad of mesclun mix, goat cheese, dried cranberries, walnuts

seafood soup of some sort (a bisque of crab perhaps? Something lite)

Appetizers

Sarah's Famous Pumpkin Pie Dip

Sweet Potato Puffs (if there is such a thing) (this will help account for the switch from yams to regular potatoes during the meal)

Dinner

Turkey

Stuffing

Mashed Potatoes

Broccoli with Cheese Sauce

Jellied Cranberries

Corn Pudding

Buttermilk biscuits

Dessert

Apple Pie (some fancier version than the kind I usually make)

I'm hoping this menu incorporates everything my family members are used to, some familiar things for those who are newer to our Thanksgiving table, and some new things I'd like to see added to the day. Let me know what you think.

Getting Better

Hmm, I thought it had been a while since my last post, but it's only been a week. Probably just feels longer because I've been so busy. 

Since my last post, I've been sick for a week. Better now, after an almost comical saga with the healthcare industry, wherein I accidentally made an appointment at a Spanish-speaking doctor's office with incompetent employees that made it feel like going to the doctor in Guatemala. But I got my meds and am feeling better.

And, as I am feeling better, so too is our country. My family and I and my friends and just about everybody I know is thrilled about the results of the election. I refrained from talking politics before the election because I dislike arguing over politics, it's just one of those things where in most cases, no one's mind will be changed. But I was for Obama the whole time and I couldn't be happier or prouder of our country. Of course, as Sars says "This is not over." but the country cast a vote for hope and hope it shall have.

It's been hectic with the second job and the play opening this weekend. (By the way, the play opens this weekend. You should go see it.) We're having Thanksgiving at our house this year and even though it's over two weeks away, it feels very close because there's so much to do. But it's OK because most of the stuff is cool and I'm looking forward to it. In general, and especially since recovering from being sick and savoring feeling healthy again, I'm a happy girl.

Please. Vote.

Tomorrow is Election Day. Please. Vote. It's so important. It's probably one of the most important things you can do, every year, but especially this year. I don't care who you vote for. Far be it from me to tell you who to vote for. I'm voting for Barack Obama, so if you were waiting to base your decision on what I would do, there you have it.

The youth vote (18-29) is said to count more than any other demographic. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are in that demographic. Your vote counts. It actually couldn't count more. If you don't like either of the two leading candidates, vote for someone else. There are others on the ballot. You can even write in someone's name. Even if you know those people won't win, at least you have made your voice heard that you don't think either guy is the right choice. It doesn't matter what you vote for or against, just that you vote.

Not everyone in this country has always had the right to vote. Women and african americans had to fight and endure discrimination and hardship to be rewarded with this right. And now a representative from each of those groups has a chance to be in the White House. To not vote is to disrespect history and the people who earned that right for you.

Everything in your life, everyone of your problems, your concerns, every issue you deal with in your life, goes back to the government. Voting gives you a say in who decides the things that will affect your life. Whether or not you can go back to school. Whether you can afford to buy a house. Whether you and your loved ones can get affordable and quality healthcare. Whether the country will remain embroiled in a war started under false pretenses. Whether or not you're going to be able to retire when you want to. Whether or not your parents will. Whether the taxes you pay as you get older and your taxes get more complicated will be higher or lower. Whether you will be able to do the things you want with your life. Or not. It is all determined by who controls the government. And that is determined by the people who vote.

Go to the polls. Vote. If you don't...there's no nice way to say it. You're a jerk.

If you won't listen to me, listen to these celebrities.





VOTE.

Important Birthday Stuff

Wow. Almost an entire MONTH between updates. And yet, day-to-day, you're not missing much. I am always too busy and too tired, a byproduct of restarting my employ at the Bookstore Cafe. The housing sitch continues to make me a constant nervous wreck, but I'm trying to handle it. We're trying to think of a way to get any house, as it's starting to look as if we can't really afford our particular house. Which is OK. We'd rather have a house we can handle and that feels like it's ours. 

Some of you may have noticed, I recently got a little older. It's made me think, as thinking is really all I have time to do for myself lately. I think I have come tremendously far as a person, but with that comes the vision to be able to see that I have even further to go. And the person I used to be might be disappointed by that, by the idea that I"m not already perfect. But the person I am now is excited by that idea. I can learn more, I can get even better, I can turn into a so much cooler person.

I am thinking about BIG things a lot. House. Marriage. Kids. KIDS?! That idea still freaks me out. But it does so less than it used to, and the freak-out is mixed with some mild longing in that direction, for the not too distant future. I'd like to be a mother. Some time in the next ten years. And I can say that without flipping out.

Really, what I've been thinking about is giving myself what I want, getting what would make me happy. Sometimes it's replacing my sneakers with a new rad pair, sometimes it's getting my eyes checked so I can see properly, and sometimes it's pondering going back to school and changing career paths entirely. 

I wish on green M&M's. I used to wish to find true love. But since I met Kris (pause for audience retching), now I wish to be happy. It's seems that if you only get one wish, you should wish for the most important thing possible, and this to me seems to be the simplest, most important truth. Life is about being happy. And I need to learn to grant myself the things that will make this so. And then I think my green M&M wishes will become self-fulfilling.

So happy 29th birthday to me. My gift to myself is the gift of permission to pursue happiness. It's supposed to be an inalienable right, but it's not quite as easy as that. You have to let yourself. 

I also got one of these and one of these. Woo!

VVVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Dear Universe,

I need a favor. I feel like it's asking a lot, but I also feel like I need to learn when to ask for help and I need help so: help.

Twice in the past 24 hours I have completely lost my shit. Once was over what to do for dinner and the other was over a missed doctor's appointment. Minor things, really. But sending me into a crying, spiraling freakout. I haven't been this unstable in a while. In fact I've been really proud of how stable I've become. But, you know. 2 jobs. The play. The band. Buying a house. It's a lot to deal with. I have almost no time to myself. I have almost no room for error. I have almost no capacity to deal with anything that's not already on the table.

So here's the favor. I need you to not throw me any curveballs right now. I just can't take it. I can handle what I've got and I feel like that's rather impressively a lot right now. But that's it. Whether it be the freezer not shutting properly and staying open all day, or having to scramble to keep myself stocked up with birth control pills, I need that stuff to not happen. I need the day-to-day stuff to be easy. I need you to STOP IT with the crazy unexpected problems because I ain't got no room for it and it will turn me into a hysterical blubbering lunatic. And a hysterical blubbering lunatic is not very useful when trying to handle the 75 things I already have to deal with on a daily basis. 

Got it? Thanks, so much. This is only temporary, until things ease up. I'm thinking by the beginning of next year I'll be ready to handle whatever crazy shit you have to throw at me. 

Thanks a million tons,

~me

How I Make It Through

This house-purchase stuff really is all-consuming. There are not many times in any given day when I am not either doing something to help save for the house, or thinking about how to help save for the house. The seller is hinting at wanting to move up her moving out date, which cuts in on our savings time. I have been exercising a LOT of self-denial. If I want something, I think "Do I need it now or can it wait a few months?" and also "Do I want it more than I want to own a house?" and 95% of the time, the money is saved, not spent. It makes me a bit of a martyr, living a nun-like lifestyle, but it's not going to be forever and if we can pull this off, the payoff is grand. And lest anyone think I'm denying myself too much, I did just buy 4 new pairs of jeans because I needed them, I'm going to a friend's play tonight because it's the kind of thing that can't wait a few months, and I do plan to get myself new contacts next month because I can't see so good and that's not the kind of thing that is more important than a  house :)

I do get awful scared. I worked through a breakdown earlier in the week to come to the conclusion that, no, if it turns out we cannot afford to buy this house, that doesn't not make us bad people and is not our fault in any way. We can afford what we can afford and it is smarter to live within our means than outside them, which I have to keep reminding myself. I am doing my best to grin and bear it at the bookstore and having a really cool, understanding staff really helps. I wish people would stop telling me I look tired though. Of course I do. I know I do. Do we need to point it out? And I am always trying to think of what else I could do to earn more or save more. Really there isn't anything outside of selling my body, but I keep trying. I want to have the best possible shot at this. 

So a lot of stress and hard work. And under all this duress, I have some nice things to keep me going. The special events in my life have become even more special because I look so much more forward to them, having fewer and fewer good things to look forward to. And, as much as I dislike the cold weather fall brings, it does accompany some really awesome seasonal food.

I think of the near future in chunks. I guess it helps me get through. There's the Birthday/Halloween chunk we're in now. Then it runs up to Thanksgiving. Then up to Christmas (which is going to be painfully spare). And after that, it's house time, pretty much. And really if you think about it, that means I only have three chunks to get through before this long hard thing is over? That's not so bad. Granted, the three chunks are weeks long and involve a lot of tiredness, and doing without and stress, but after only three of those hard sleepy stressful chunks, which are broken up by about the best three special events of the year in my opinion, it's over.

I'm just talking myself in circles, convincing myself I can do this. But it helps.

Oh and, make your preferences known now. 'Cause you're all getting baked goods this year. Baked goods and Schocholautte CDs :)

I Am A Gift To The Universe. Behold And Cherish Me.

This is the affirmation we say at the end of my exercise class and it brings tears to my eyes every time to say this aloud, to mean it, to feel that good about myself.

I have been a busy girl with not much time for happiness. Working 2 jobs, producing a play, supporting a band, it just doesn't leave much time for anything. So I am trying to appreciate the things I do have that make me happy, such as:

• Zumba. It makes me feel good, it's good for me. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to the sweat, at least not yet. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather not go. But afterwards I ALWAYS feel better. I always have a good time and I always feel proud of myself for doing something to make me strong and healthy.
• New pants! The other day I went to get dressed and once again faced the fact that, with cold weather coming on, I have only one pair of jeans suitable for everyday wear that still fits and I work in a very casual office. But instead of lamenting and trying to work around it, I just went online, found some sales and ordered some new damn jeans. Saving money is one thing, but not having enough clothes to wear day to day is another. And it felt good for me to spend that money on myself, to realize that saving for the house is important, but my own comfort and happiness is also just as important.
• FOOTBALL! As in every season, I won't get to see my team play every week, but it is a free form of entertainment and socializing and I intend at least to see every nationally televised game, maybe also catching a few others at a local bar.
• Kris. The limited time I do get to spend with him is always quality. He takes good care of me and he makes me laugh and in a hard time, that is one of the most valuable things a girl could ask for. He is also being a great relief to me, taking care of a lot of the household duties we would usually split more evenly but I now have less time for because of my schedule.
• My birthday. It gets me excited every year and I think this year I'm looking especially forward to it because, well because it's a guaranteed good thing to look forward to. I may be busy and crazy and stressed and sleep deprived for much of the time, but I know that time will be filled with happiness and love because of all the wonderful people in my life.

Time to go to bed now. I hope you are as lucky as I am to have such wonderful happy thoughts to send you off to bed with.

There's No Place Like Home

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone. I hope you are all celebrating the arrival of fall in a laid-back, indulgent style. As much as I love summer, I do like the crisp fall weather, the smell of the air, the arrival of Halloween and my birthday, and best of all, the fall FOOD. I think fall seasonal flavors are my favorite of the year. Delicious apple ciders and pies, warm hearty soups, rich delicious squashes. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. But I digress.

I write this to you from my home. And when I say "my home," I mean the place where I live. But in the near future, when I say "my home," I will be sitting in the same place and mean something entirely different.

Kris and I are planning to buy the house we live in.

A short while ago our landlady approached us and informed us that she was planning to move out of state and sell the house. And asked if we would like to buy the house. Since we were blindsided, we said we'd think about it. Immediately my reaction was terror and I rejected the idea outright. "Own a home? Become a landlord? I'm still young! I'm not married! I'm not ready for any of this!" which most of you will recognize as the patented Karen Reaction To Anything That Might Be Good For Her (i.e. It Will Be Hard And I Might Fail, Run Away!). Kris's reasons for rejecting the proposal began and ended with the idea that the house does not have central AC, but once I pointed out that as homeowners, we could install central AC, he quickly changed his mind. And after getting over my initial shock, I did too.

A little while later, we met with our landlady again, got a full tour of her part of the property and an idea of her plans. She plans to move in mid-March. This kicked us into high gear. I finagled a raise at work and went back to Barnes & Noble to get my old cafe job back. Kris will be funneling the money he had been saving for recording into the Down Payment Fund.  Pretty much everything we do will be house-related for the next six months.

We have no idea what we're doing. We're excited and scared and anxious and everything. We will accept help in any form it comes. We need advice and guidance from those of you out there who've gone before. We need understanding that we won't be able to do much if it costs money and we won't be available because we'll be busy working. We need hands to help us improve this half of the house so we can rent it, to help move our stuff to the downstairs, and to help improve the downstairs apartment to make it somewhere we will like living (if you've seen the decor of our foyer, you have an idea of what we're working with). When it's all over, we'll throw a big party at the house to celebrate our achievement and thank you all for all your help and good friendship.

So there you have it. Kris and I are becoming homeowners. I am freaking out. And I am freaking excited.

Doin' It By Myself

(Not that, you pervs!)

I feel *meepy*. This isn't a real word of course and no one but Kris understands what it means, but the closest approximation is "I need a hug." Kris is in Las Vegas until Thursday morning, so I'll have to do my best to take care of myself until he gets back. Some happy thoughts to help.

• I scored a ton of workout gear for only $50 at Target this weekend. The gym is closed for a week for "annual maintenance" but when it reopens, I will be the best looking chica in the Zumba class. 
  
• I got to hang out with my sis and her man and their adorable puppy, Mazzy Star, this weekend. This dog is freaking adorable. It is going to be HUGE but it is adorable.
• We've been getting a ton of response from one audition notice in particular that we posted for the play I'm producing. Granted a lot of it is NY actors who don't read the post they're applying to closely enough, but we are still going to get a bump in attendance from it. It's really rather exciting.
• Tonight is a night to indulge in Things I Don't Do When Kris Is Home: steam clams for dinner, make 88 calorie brownies, take a hot bath and eat brownies with wine while reading my trashy Posh & Becks book.

Have you voted for the hottest blogger in the universe yet? Vote now!

Weeks And Weeks Of Happiness

My but I've been busy. A summary of the Happy Thoughts of the last two weeks.

• My wonderful niece Ashley was born. I got to meet her when she was 4 days old and still in the NICU. She is wonderful and precious. I'm betting most of you have seen the pics by now :) I got to hold her and I just fell in love. She stayed in the NICU for a week and came out like a champ. She's now home with Mommy and Grandma and her big brother Buster (a Boston Terrier :) and I can't wait to go see her and love her and hug her and squeeze her again.
• At long last my quest for a form of exercise has finally ended successfully with the discovery of Zumba. It's a mix of cardio and Latin dance and it's super fun and a great workout. I worked so hard in Monday's class, today is the first day I've been able to walk properly again. I joined the Y and I'll be going 3 times a week. I can bring a guest for $8 if you ever want to try it :)
• I got my iPhone. I love it. I don't know how I lived with out it. I love Peter for handing his down to me. He's a saint. 'Nuff said
• The band has been working feverishly recording a new EP and it is fantastico, at least all the early tracks I've heard, and guaranteed to only get better. I even got to go to the studio last night and sing backup on a few tracks. I can't wait for it to come out!
• Kris and I had a really nice weekend together. Probably the last we'll have for a LONG time, but we made the most of it. We went to our last game at Yankee Stadium (thanks to my sister's bf for the tix!) and got to see a pretty great game against the Royals. It went 5 hours, 13 innings, but we finally won it 3-2. We ate junk and yelled cheers and hand a great time. The following day was our anniversary - 4 years. Wow. Feels like forever and like only a minute at the same time. We spent the day lazy, hanging out outside and cooking really nice food and just enjoying each other's company. It was near perfect.
• Good things are in the works for us. I'm not talking about it publicly just yet, but something totally awesome is about to happen. Promise I'll tell you guys as soon as I can. In the meantime, just be excited for us.

The Universe Is Being Nice To Me

Not only did I find out today that the check I sent my dentist is being returned because I don't owe him money (score! I thought I owed him $300!) but also,

I GOT MY IPHONE TODAY!!!! YAY!!! I AM OFFICIALLY COOL!

Now, go check out Sarah's super cool pet project, the Hot Blogger Calendar. 

Oh, that's sweet of you to say, but you don't have to nominate me.  :)

Happy Birthday Ashley

Today, at 11:34 am, a miracle happened. 

Kris's sister Jessica gave birth to a beautiful 6 lb. 11 oz. baby girl named Ashley Sue.

Everybody's doing well and happy. Everybody's brimming over with love. Kris is ecstatic to be an uncle. I am thrilled to be an aunt. I actually cried when Jess called me Aunt Karen today. We cannot wait to meet our little niece and we are so proud of her mom.

I will update later as soon as I get a pic so you can all see how wonderful she is.

This is definitely the Happiest Thought of the Day.

Once in a Lifetime

One more for the road, because sometimes I look at my life, about to become an aunt, in love with a rock star on the brink of superstardom, happy, successful and super cool, and I ask myself "How did I get here?"

We Want More We Want More We Want

Summary of band stuff:

• Amazon.com
• Woozyfly.com
• last.fm
• Tomato Nation

Last invite: EP Release Party TONIGHT Trash Bar 9 pm, $7 cover, open bar 8-9

And here's a funny video because it's Friday and it's time to have some fun.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Come the the Trash Bar tonight and have a good time. If not for the band, do it for me and my crazy outfit which you will have to see to believe.

Things that are not the band

I promised not to be all band all the time this week, so here you go. Other than band-ness, there's not a lot going on with me. I am buckling down and making myself write on the nights that Kris is out doing band stuff, which is quite a few. Other things of note:

• My niece's arrival is imminent. Her momma's started dilating, the gates are starting to open, it's just a matter of when the kid is ready to pop out. It's very exciting and I can't wait for it!
• The Good Citizenship Award goes to my mom, Anne the Canvasser, who is interviewed in the article linked there.
• I get a bonus beach weekend this weekend and there ain't nothing bad about that. Extra bonus points because Ryn and I have been tryin to do this for years and it's finally happening. Woohoo!

OK time for my other happy, going to see the X-Files movie.

We're Gonna Be So Sad, So Sad, So Sad, So

If ever the opposite of that were true, it's now. Check out all the amazing things happening in this All Schocholautte Edition of my blog:

• Schocholautte is NOW AVAILABLE for purchase in the iTunes store and at Amazon.com
• Schocholautte and The Trash Bar Trash (live album) NOW AVAILABLE for download at last.fm
• video of studio sessions and a band interview have been posted on Woozyfly.com
The boys got a big boost from their mention on Tomato Nation yesterday.
• EP Release Party - Friday 8/1 at the Trash Bar, 9 pm, 256 Grand St. Brooklyn, $7 cover, autographed copies of Schocholautte and The Trash Bar Trash for sale, as well as lots of fun and surprises to be had.

Thanks to everyone who's been supporting the band. It really means a lot to me and to them. I really care about this band and want them to succeed, for personal reasons and because I care about the guys and they deserve it. 

I promise not to be entirely all about Schocholautte all week. 

Tomatoes Are My Favorite Fruit

Today I am a happy girl. Because today I got an IM from Sarah that went something like this: "OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! YOU'RE ON TOMATO NATION!!!!!"

Sars an infinitely cool web author, answered a request I made of her to check out Schocholautte and, if she liked them, to mention them on her internationally renowned awesome website. And, Princess of Cool that she is, she did. Which makes me feel like this:

(You can pretty much stop watching after 3:25)

This is a week when life gets consumed by the band. The EP drops tomorrow and the release party is Friday and I am all about it all.

And yet, somehow, I am still finding some time to get some of my own writing done. Because my amazing boyfriend, who has a million things to worry about this week and needs all the help he can get, wants me to focus on my career, not his. And I want to do that too.

Balancing is fun. 

Oh, and P.S. go leave Sars some love and tell her how awesome she is for helping spread the word on three awesome kids from BK.

(with apologies to the Grammar Goddess herself, from one who calls herself an editor by day and is therefore too tired at night to write properly)

The Man Is Having the Time of His Life on the Left Coast

Somewhere, in a convention center in California, my boyfriend is having a complete blast of a day at ComiCon. And that puts a smile on my face from ear to ear.

Back on the homefront, the issues that were causing crazy to boil near the surface are being dealt with calmly and systematically and before any overflow occurs. Combine that with the company buying lunch and my sister being unexpectedly free to hang out tonight and this day is turning out not so bad.

Especially for one that started with me discovering ANTS all over my kitchen counter. Yeah. Where's a man when you need one? :)

ThisClose

I might freak out in a minute. Or in an hour. Or sometime real soon. 

Where is the positive in this? I have not freaked out yet. My man, whom I love, has taught me so much about controlling my emotions, being calm and handling whatever life throws at me. In years past, I would have broken down hours ago. Instead I have gone into calm, problem-solving mode.

Unfortunately, his being out of town is coinciding with a hailstorm of crazy shit. I will try to contain it until I pick him up from the airport Saturday night. Let's try to keep the storm of crazy bubbling under the surface, eh?

Too Hot

Today is a day for cheering me up. Because apparently the choices are, keep the office door and suffer the stifling heat or be assaulted by the sounds of a BUZZSAW down the hall. Because, despite the line on my Wii Fit graph going down for 3 consistent sessions, my shorts are still super tight. And for a whole host of other reasons, it is time to remember why I can smile.

• I have officially Started Writing Again. I have an idea that's possessed me and according to those I've told about it, it's a good'un. I am trying to take it slow and do all the necessary prewriting before I start in on the actual story. I'm actually kind of enjoying creating these characters' backgrounds. It is still that frustrating feeling of not feeling like you're getting anywhere because you can't say "I have written X pages." But it feels good to be doing it nonetheless.
• I've gotten my credit card balance under $1500. WOOOOO! (FYI I was living off my Amex for part of last year and have been trying to pay it down since).
• I had a terrific time with my friends on Saturday night, finally getting to go up and see their house and hanging out and seeing the Dark Knight at the drive-in.
• In 1 week, Kris's band is releasing an EP on Amazon.com and iTunes. In 10 days, they are having an EP release party. In 2+ weeks, I am going to see Counting Crows with a bunch of fun cool people. In 26 days, I will be an aunt AND I will have been with Kris for 4 years. There is a lot of good to look forward to, people.

I am pathetically past due on giving props to some people who richly deserve them:

• Sarah, who bought her first home two weeks ago! Welcome home, sweetie.
• Joanna, my sister, who passed her NCIDQ certification exam!
• Lauryn, who is finally getting out of her crap job and starting nursing school in a month!

I am so proud of all my girls. I know so many awesome people and that's another reason to be happy.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

• slept late
• spent 4 days laying on the beach at the Jersey shore, getting gorgeously tan and not really burned
• read 2 magazines and half a novel
• played a bunch of games of Uno
• played 3 games of mini-golf: pirate-themed indoor, complete with blacklight paint and a constant soundtrack of shantys, gold mine-themed, and lost city-themed (which reminded me of Indiana Jones)
• pumped about 10 bucks into Area 51 arcade machines
• played air hockey and some other random arcade games
• shot a couple games of pool and won most of them
• played a trivia game in a bar with a group of friends and came in 2nd
• played a hardcore 2 hour game of 4square
• saw Wall-E, Hancock, and Hellboy 2
• rode the big Ferris Wheel
• strolled up and down the boardwalk several times
• went for a 10 mile bike ride (I KNOW!!) to get Icees
• ate pizza, subs, french fries, fried oreos and all kinds of other bad stuff
• ate ice cream almost every day
• went to Wawa any time we wanted to
• spent 8 days of extremely good quality time with my man, reconnecting and being lovey-dovey and reordering our priorities to put each other at the top of our lists

I cannot describe fully how much I needed that vacation or how incredibly wonderful it was. All I can say is it was like hitting reset and cranking all my knobs to their optimal settings. I felt happy, healthy, relaxed and unstressed (and despite eating like a queen and gaining a couple pounds, having moments when I looked at myself and thought 'I look FANTASTIC!'). I only hope I can find ways to retain these feelings in my everyday life or regain them when I start to lose my grip on them. I always want to feel the way I felt last week.

How Cool Is My Boyfriend?!?!

Howdy kids! Lots has happened and you can expect an update on my vacay and on all the wonderful things to come. But to tide you over, in the meantime, go check out how freakin' cool my boyfriend is.

His music. Is on AMAZON.COM!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am officially freaking out.

Hello Again, Old Friend

I guess when one find's oneself staring out the window at work, one probably has time to blog.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy, obviously. In brief:

• The band has been going well. Successful shows, good music, new songs, fun times. It's been going so well, I hardly see my man anymore, but that's the price of fame. Plus I exaggerate a wee bit.
• I performed in a scene for my theater group's open meeting. That went well. It will probably be all the acting I do for a while, but it was nice to help out a friend and stretch my acting limbs.
• Threw a birthday bash for my man that seemed to be a rousing success. Many friends attended, good food and beer was consumed and a good time was had by all. I certainly had a happy Birthday Boy on my hands. 
• Got to see what is becoming the Annual Outdoor Shakespeare play with Sarah. Complete Wrks is funny, but we'd both already seen it. Still it was a nice night out that was much needed.
• Co-threw a baby shower for Kris's sister. Even though we were running late and all kinds of things went wrong, it still came off well. She very much enjoyed and appreciated it and she got a ton of adorable stuff. I felt good to have been able to help out on a venture like this for me adopted family.
• Spent the rest of that weekend enjoying the company of good friends and then enjoying the company of no one but Kris. That was fantastic. I can genuinely say I didn't worry about anything almost all day.
• I jumped back on the Wii Fit train. I never really stopped eating right or walking when I got the chance, so  my weight didn't change that much, but now I'm back to trying to at least do yoga every day. I set a more reasonable goal for myself this time. We'll see. If it works, I'll be so happy.
• Work has been positively crazy. We have all been pushed to the limit, but we have very barely made our deadlines. I have been doing a good job and just recently we hired someone to do the boring crap work that I've been doing so that I can focus on doing the stuff that actually uses my brain, which makes me more useful to the team, YAY!
• It is almost time to not think about work anymore. After tomorrow afternoon, I will be on vacation for a  week and a half (with the holiday). Down the shore, lodging at Kris's parents', going to the free beaches at Wildwood, having lots of WaWa and ice cream. 

It's been a very full month and still kind of empty in a way. I've done a lot for others, but not much for myself. So I've resolved that when I return, I will give myself a project, one that will make me happy. To be continued...

I Feel Fine! I Feel Happy!

Just a post to say "I'm not dead yet!" There's been a lot of radio silence in the blogs I read and apparently I've joined them. This is one of those good droughts, were I've been too busy to write, but I'll be back soon to recap. In the meantime, watch this: 

Words to Live By

I've never been much of a "quotes to live by" kind of girl. There's never been anything inspirational I've heard and wanted to repeat in times of adversity, to be known for saying. The other day, riding up the escalator in Secaucus Junction, that changed, when I saw this on the back of someone's shirt:

Success is never found.

Failure is never fatal.

Courage is the only thing.

-Winston Churchill

I love this. It encapsulates everything I believe and everything I want to be. I want to paint it on the walls of my room. I want to think of it anytime something feels too hard. I want to tell it to my friends and have it comfort them. I want to repeat it over and over and over. I want my kids to be sick of hearing me say it, to the point where they make fun of me for saying it, until one day they realize that it is true and that I am right (and I know they will just HATE that, as I do when I realize my mother is right). And after I am gone, I want my kids to tell their kids "Remember what your grandma always said..."

Life can be rough. I am almost never sure I am making the right decisions. I am almost always upset when I don't know something before I am taught it. I cry when I fail. I don't try because I'm afraid to fail. And I don't want to be like that. I want to be like Churchill. I hope I can learn how. I'm doing a little bit every day.

For those of you who have come here expecting more silliness and blathering, I give you the video  below.  I had this song stuck in my head the other day and whilst searching for different versions online to listen to, I came across this little gem of a movie moment, this once in a lifetime performance, that I had forgotten even existed.

Hot Summer Weekend

I had the perfect summer weekend. Tell you about it? Why sure!

Today's Happy Thoughts:

• Instead of spending Friday night as I do most, watching tv by myself and waiting for Kris to come home, I took preventative action and invited my sister over. Wine and pizza and MarioKart and good sisterly times.
• Saturday was hot, hot, HOT and I love it. I love hiding inside in the AC from it. I love being out in it and feeling the sun on my skin and drinking a cold drink and sweating. I love driving down the highway with the windows down and the music blasting. I love love love summer.
• My culinary successes this weekend included a new Rachel Ray grilling recipe, a batch of peanut butter cookies baked in the 90+ degree heat, and playing sous chef to short order cook Kris, making egg sandwiches for the half-dozen friends of his that came to visit. 
• Sarah came for dinner, tea, and sympathy on Saturday night. I love when she comes over because she is always so sweet and complimentary of my home, my cooking, and my hostessing (if a little mocking). It makes me feel like I'm doing a good job at being the kind of grown-up I want to be.
• Saturday night was Take 2 of Karen Attends a House Party Featuring A Performance By Schocholautte. The last one was a little disastrous, we didn't know anyone and stayed out way too late, and there was no small amount of drama. This one was much better. Kris's friends from South Jersey arrived in plenty of time and after a quick stop for food and cash, we caravanned out to Brooklyn with no problem, due to an excellent driver in the following car. The party was thrown by someone we knew, this time, so I felt more comfortable. Haley and I came prepared with our own booze, in case there was a BYO situation, and once we went through that, there was a very cheap cash bar, at which I got ridiculous. Throughout the night, there was a mural being painted on one of the apartment walls and there were intermittent freakshow performances by a guy getting electrocuted, a fire twirler, and a bed of nails demonstration. Needless to say, it was the definition of a Brooklyn Artsy Loft Party. Argyle Johansen played first and sounded great. Rehearsing with the same people really serves him well. Schocholautte rocked the house as usual and better. Being more drunk than I usually am at their shows (because I didn't have to work the next day) and being surrounded by friends made me comfortable enough to dance with wild abandon, which Kris seemed to really enjoy. I even had equally enthusiastic dance partners. The band threw pretty much all their material out there and even introduced one of the new songs they've been working on. It was definitely the most  fun you can have in one night. And we managed to make it home by only 4:30, an hour and a half earlier than last time.
• Sunday was nice and relaxed. Kris's friends stayed for half the day. We dawdled taking care of cleaning up, getting groceries and showering, and then were treated to dinner at my folks' which was pretty enjoyable.

Today's Happy Dance: I Am Good At My Job

Yesterday, after some asshole writer tried to tell me I was an idiot because he couldn't see files that were posted directly in front of his face, and after an interminable conference call, during which our client gave feedback on some manuscript, most of which was "same thing here" except instead of saying that, she would explain the thing AGAIN, we had a meeting.

During the meeting, I suggested that at least one of us in the office try to accomplish that which our writers are trying to accomplish, seeing as they keep sending  us manuscript and we keep having to edit the hell out of it. We needed to figure out if what we were asking was just really hard to do or if we were just better off doing it ourselves since we seem to understand it better. 

So I took a sample and worked on it myself and handed it over to my boss this morning. After an hour, she gave it back to me, saying "Either you've totally got it right or we're both wrong." A few minor corrections but otherwise, I slam-dunked that which exactly none of our 12 writers, who are all way better at math and have years more experience than me, could manage to do.

Snoopy. Dance.

I'm So Stupid, I'm on Fire

Hello, dear blog-readers. Sorry to go dark for so long. Life has been alternatively too busy to allow time to update and too boring to bother writing about. But, harking all the way back to mid-May, there's been lots to keep me happy.

• I completely failed to mention the super-fun weekend we spent in the Catskills for Liam's birthday. It was just a big ol' fun get-together with friends and beer and wiffle ball. It was nice to get away and spend time with everyone. 
• The following weekend the BBQ of DOOM! was held. The families met and got along swimmingly. The food was enjoyed by all. It was, overall, a rousing success.
• We settled on vacation plans: a week spent down the shore, lodging with Kris's generous parents, with days spent on the beach at Wildwood. Not the most luxurious or glamorous getaway, but still fun and much needed.
• I have been schooling bitches left and right at Dr. Mario online on WiiWare. If you have this game, let me know and try your luck against me. I'm nowhere near as good as Kris but I rock. (The post title comes from what we often say when we make a mistake. Kris said it first when playing against me and it made me laugh so hard I almost screwed up my own game.) WiiFit has turned out to be OK. Not the fitness savior we were maybe hoping, but it's not really WiiFit's fault. It was foolish to hope for a fitness savior at all. Just because it's a fun videogame that incorporates fitness doesn't mean there are more hours in the day for me to do it or more drive for me to do it when I'm tired or don't feel like it. But it is good, it helps some.
• Got to go to the Wine & Blues Festival with Sarah and friends. Tasted a bunch of lovely wines, bought a couple bottles, and spent a really nice day with some really nice people. 
• Seen every summer movie I was hoping to see so far and was not disappointed by any. Prince Caspian was only OK but that wasn't one of the ones I was looking forward to anyway. 
• Just general happiness and good-feeling in general. They're not all perfect days, but most of them are. Getting stuff accomplished and feeling good about it. Having lots of fun and lots of love. Summer is here and that always makes me happier.
• Let's all give a cheer and put all our support behind the Yanks' starting pitcher tonight. GO JOBA!

Get Up Off The Mat

I hope that you were lucky enough to miss what was posted here before. It was a misery-ridden, self-pitying pile of refuse. I was in a screenwriting competition, I did not make the finals, I was disappointed, I had a fairly strong flare of self-doubt, and, like an IDIOT, I immediately posted it on the internet. 

It sucks to lose. And yeah, I don't think I'll ever lose that part of me that says "you suck, you should give up." But I'm certainly not going to let it rule my blog. Fuck that.

Do like Isaac Jaffe says. Get up off the mat.

I couldn't find a clip of that particular moment in the show, but here's another good Isaac moment.

No Country for Clever Titles

I was in a craptastical mood yesterday but I got by with a little help from my friends. Some random good things.

• I may have forgotten to mention, but I had an opportunity to pass on the good karma last week. While rocking out at the Schocholautte show, something caught my eye on the ground, near where I was bouncing around. Closer inspection revealed it to be an iPhone, which I immediately turned over to the bartender and it was immediately claimed by  a guy standing nearby who thanked me and bought me a drink. After having my wallet returned, it was the least I could do. You see, nice things do happen in New York.
• MarioKart, MarioKart, MarioKart. I am obsessed. Also, Wii Fit is just about here! YAY! OMG when did I become a gamer?
• Gawker had this amusing Extinction Timeline.
• This amusing story about Jason Giambi's magic gold thong, which apparently is not working.
• And if you're in Germany, look out for Klaus the forklift driver. This thing deserves an Academy Award nomination for short film :) It's a safety video Sam Raimi would make.

More Inappropriate Puppet Humor Than Avenue Q

Today's Happy Thoughts:

• My taco lunch was a success. Every month, someone in the office brings in lunch for everyone. May was my turn so I made this pork-and-pineapple taco recipe that I had never made before and it came out wonderfully and everyone loved it. In fact, one of my coworkers is making himself another helping right now!
• As my office kicks ass, we got to have margaritas with lunch. And the guy who mixed them made them kinda strong. Whee!
• I love my new Bitten t-shirt that I'm wearing today. I know it's kind of odd to show love for something as simple as a t-shirt but it fits great, looks great, and is super soft. I'ma go get some more after work, they're only $9!
• I have a feeling about tonight, that it is going to be an awesome night. The Schocholautte Girl Groupies will be getting together before the show for dinner to bond outside of the band and I think the show is going to kick everyone's ass.
• And for a little humor, this is what happens when a conversation on a discussion board spills over into your band rehearsal and 4 beers later someone says, "Hey, I've got a video camera." Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Jeremy (the one on the left) singing "If You Had To Fuck a Muppet" (extremely NSFW)
  

That's All She Wrote

The show, she is over. Much to my great relief. It was fun and it had it's moments. It was also tough. Our leading man became an increasingly bigger jackass over time to the point that everyone wanted to smack, strangle, and otherwise maim him. Apparently he had many choice words to say about me behind my back, which our director wisely kept from me until after he'd cleared the building following the last show. The gratitude, I say, for coming in and doing a fantastic job under serious pressure at the expense of almost all of my free time, is ASTONISHING.

The show went...well. For what it was. People who came seemed to enjoy it. Lots of loved ones came from great distances to see it which was super-flattering and I almost felt kind of bad. I was not super-proud of the show. It was outdated and kind of a dinky story. It's not the show I would choose if I were to direct, nor is it the show I would choose to represent myself. At any rate, it's past.

And now what? Well, stuff. There are some events to be planned this summer. I'm attempting to hammer out vacation plans with Kris though I do have some...hesitations shall we say. And I really want to get back to the Nicoffeine remake. Which will of course require effort on my part. I feel...

To be honest, I feel 30 bearing down on me. Not like "oh God, it's coming, I'm gonna be OLD!" because that's not it. I have plenty of lovely friends who have already hit that benchmark and are by no means OLD. It's more that I'm running out of time where it's just me and what I want. And in that time I need to accomplish a certain amount. Hopefully enough to allow me to still continue to do what I want, once I have others' needs to consider. You shouldn't take this as some cryptic sign that I'm pregnant or on the verge of marriage or about to buy a house. But these are all things I want, sooner or later, and I'd like to not have to give up films to get those or vice versa. 

Happy Thoughts of the Day:

• The show is over and I have my life back.
• I get to go away this weekend and, God willing, relax.
• I have orchestrated a meeting of both families, to be held next weekend. It's important to me and something I've wanted for a while.
• I'm making pork-and-pineapple tacos for the office tomorrow and fully intend to blow them away. 
• I'm going out to dinner tomorrow night with Haley Jane and Marissa. Awesome first because, it means it's one of those rare nights where I don't have to entertain myself for hours between work and a gig. Awesome second because I get to bond with the girls outside of a band-related environment. Hee!
• Work is showing signs that I might get to do something interesting requiring brain function soon.
• I'm on Twitter. Please come follow me. I am totally a technology whore/Sarah's bitch who does whatever she's told.

For Sarah

Actually for anyone who needs something fun to watch. This is a soda-and-candy-powered Rube Goldberg contraption featuring two of Sarah's favorite things: Christmas and the Mythbusters. And she needs a bit of cheering up today :)

There are a bunch more featured here. As you can tell, I have jack to do at work today and am slightly resentful of the fact that I am even here since I have a show to do tonight. I haven't been this bored/resentful since the bad old days at the Big Grey Corporate Publishing House. Please, just let me go home and have a nice weekend, eh?

Getting Good

Things have decidedly settled since my last post. The first weekend of the show is over and done with. People keep asking me how it went and all I can muster is a 'fine,' which is true. It was fine. I did  have those super, opening night jitters, that was fun, but I think it was more of a reflex than actually being excited. It may just be that because I have been in the cast for such a short time, I haven't had enough time to become emotionally invested in the show. It may be that the show itself is kind of a dinky show and I have really only bonded with half the cast. It may be that I am So. Over. Acting. Either way, this feels more like work than anything. Not entirely un-fun work, but I'll be glad when I can get back to doing what I want to do.

That being said, the show has gone well, been received well, and been fun overall to do. I hope more people will come see it. I guess no matter what I'm doing, I'll always be desperate for others' approval :)

Work has been boring, though I may finally get to work on a decent solid project starting very soon. Things have been slowly turning around financially. And there are some fun things up on the horizon, including a weekend away, a long overdue Meet the Family BBQ on Memorial Day weekend, and Kris's sister's baby shower.

In general, things have been OK. Good, even, and getting better. Life, like the weather, is improving.

Happy Thoughts:

• Check out my new favorite band, Orba Squara. You've probably heard their stuff on a commercial, for iPhone or for Flat Earth Veggie Chips. They're neat. It's rare when I get to discover a new band, independent of anyone I know.
• I am in for a fun night. First, I will go shopping at the store where everything's on sale for no more than $8.98. Then, I will try a new kind of cuisine. And at long last I will get to hear my really most favorite band (plus this guy) at a new venue (for them). It's been too long since I got to see my man drum. It's gonna be a good night.
  

Hell (of a) Week

I am crazed. I forgot how hardcore hell week is. If you think I've done anything other than eat, work, rehearse, and sleep in the past few days, you are wrong. I haven't seen Kris conscious for more than 5 minutes in 4 days and counting.

So here's a couple of random tidbits to keep the readers happy:

• Go see my friend Sam's show. She's funny.
• Ladies, I present the answer to all your problems.
• My reaction to this is "So, if you're a gay woman but you're not from Lesbos, you're just a dyke?"
• Fat, Sugar, Carbs, I miss you! I'll see you in four days! I PROMISE.

Rule #10 - Only Buy Clothes That Make You Feel Like Doing A Small Dance

Today, happiness is...

• weighing 8 pounds less than I did last week.
• finding a dress in Forever XXI that looked so good on me it actually made me do a little dance in the dressing room. (The dancing may have also had something to do with Kate Nash being on the radio in the store.)
• that dress being a MEDIUM.
  
• discovering an old $20 store credit for Forever XXI in my wallet, making the dress cost $10!

The diet is working! I look and feel great! I just had rolled up slices of turkey and sliced cherry tomatoes for lunch, but I don't mind so much! Last night I had an amazing diet dinner. Apparently the secret to this diet is to use balsamic vinegar in everything :) I was actually bummed that it was too rainy for my daily walk (tho I did hustle the 18 blocks between my office and Forever XXI). Wait a minute, I'm starting to actually like exercise? I think there's something wrong with me.

But who cares? I look fabulous!

Have a Good Weekend!

I <3 Toast

The diet is going OK. It's seriously hard, but I haven't cheated  yet and I think I can make it. AND I think it's working. My happy thoughts have been looking forward to the next meal and thinking about how thin I will be and sharing laughs with Sarah over how we can't eat available non-diet food because it's been somehow tainted. When either of us is tempted, the other comes up with a comical reason why she can't eat it. My favorite so far has been that I couldn't stop in Penn Station for a Krispy Kreme because rats crawled in the case overnight and pooped all over them.

Nothing special to report. I'm in that mad dash to the finish of a play craziness that leaves little time for anything other that work, rehearsal, and sleep. Details on the play are forthcoming.

Please go vote for my boyfriend's band. They could win a chance to open up for Toad the Wet Sprocket in concert. Go to G-Rock Social, scroll down till you see the pic of Toad and choose Schocholautte from the dropdown menu under the picture. Go do it right now! Then do it again tomorrow and the day after that and...you get the idea.

And if you are free, go see them at the Trash Bar tonight. I can't go, but, ya know, you should.

In case you get blog fatigue (I know I can be wordy), let me put this at the top. Go to G-Rock Social and vote for Schocholautte. They could win a chance to open for Toad the Wet Sprocket. Vote frequently. In fact, vote constantly. (In case you can't figure it out, just go to the home page, scroll down and you should see a pic of Toad and then a dropdown menu for voting. All you have to do is select Schocholautte and click Vote.)

• Here's a short, sweet, little (beautifully edited) Office montage that proves that John Krasinski is one of the most attractive people on earth. (omg! I embedded a youtube video!)
• My company was awarded a good-sized job. Originally, we thought we were just going to get it unchallenged. Then, we found out there was another vendor bidding. Then, we thought they got it. Then, we found out that we did. Yay! It's good times for my company, always nice to get more work, we've been kind of slow and this will keep us working for a good long while.
• As you may have heard, after three drinks on Thursday night, my friend convinced me that doing a shot of Jaegermeister, my first ever, was a good idea. We went to the bar, we bought the drinks, we shot, and returned to the back room to continue watching the band and drunkenly dancing. I tossed my wallet back in my bag on the floor off to the side before rejoining the crowd. Or so I thought. Cut to Saturday afternoon when I'm getting ready to run some errands, go to grab my wallet and it is not anywhere. (Remarkable that I can go a day and a half before I notice my wallet is missing eh?) Anyway, I checked all my cards online and there was no untoward activity, so I crossed my fingers and left a message at the bar, in hopes that it was still there. The message was returned yesterday by a very kind angel by the name of Bebe and last night after work, I recovered my wallet completely intact. There are still good people in this world.
• I completed Day 1 of the Scarsdale Diet successfully, giving me the feeling that I can handle all 14 days. Sarah is a great support, doing this together with me. I don't love it, but I do feel like it will be effective.
• I am blonde once again and tan. Despite being unable to drive legally or access my money until 7 pm last night, I managed to conduct all the errands I needed to in order to show up to rehearsal tonight fully prepared to look the part. Plus, ya know, I know my lines. Excellent.

Best of Friends

It's a gorgeous Spring evening and I've just spent a couple hours sitting in my yard after spending an hour walking my neighborhood. I didn't go into the office today, I had a rockin' good time last night, and I have the house to myself tonight. I am just the happiest cat on earth.

I'm suddenly in a play again, coming to the rescue of a friend who needed to replace an actress on short notice. So I'll be playing the young girlfriend of an author who come to his wife of thirty years to ask her for a divorce so he can marry me in Best of Friends, by James Elward, with the Radburn Players.

In. Two. Weeks.

This doesn't really freak me out, but it is kind of crazy. I know I'll be able to learn the lines and the blocking and all, and the cast is great, so it's really no problem. Except that I am going to have to focus all available energy on it for that time, eating, breathing, and sleeping the play, so sorry if I'm not around much. I'm going over my lines again and again, getting together costumes and makeup. I'm gonna hafta go back to full blonde so all those hoping I'd finally go back to my natural color can suck it. And I'm getting the company to pay for a fake tan as that is part of the character and I am clearly not tan. 

There is one thing. And it's not really that I don't want to do it, so much as it is that I don't really look forward to the reaction I know I can expect. I have to go on a diet. Well, I don't  have to. No one is making me. But if I'm going to be seen on stage and I'm supposed to believeably be a 24 year-old grad student so hot that an older man's willing to divorce his wife and marry me, I want to slim down. I have been recommended a *medical* safe healthy diet that should allow for quick weight loss without any damaging effects that shouldn't be very hard to stick to, especially since it's only 2 weeks.

I can hear it already. You're beautiful. You don't need to lose weight. You're starving yourself. I'm worried about you. Look, it's really nice of you to be concerned and maybe you're just trying to be nice because "yeah you are kind of porky" isn't a very nice thing to say. But listen to the following: I never said I wasn't beautiful, I won't starve myself, I can't make you not worry, but there's no reason to. And most importantly, oh yes I do. People don't believe me. There are like 3 people I can think of who believe me when I say I need to lose weight. I'm blessed with an attractive figure and I'm not hugely overweight so a lot of people don't think I look like I need to lose any weight.

Look people. What do you picture when you think of a woman who weighs 159 pounds? Now put my face on her because that's it. I'm not saying that I just hate that number. I hate the way my body looks at that number. I have flab all over. I have no muscle tone. Clothes that should fit me, don't. And I do not look like a perky 24 year-old rich hottie. 

So I'm walking, every day, trying to get in an hour every day, and I'm going on the Scarsdale Medical Diet and I'd appreciate it if everyone would just let me do and in return, I promise you I won't damage myself in any way by doing this and I'll be much happier when I'm done and thinner and healthier.

That aside, I'm really excited to do this play and I hope you'll all come see it. Assuming any of you still want to be my friends after I've just bitched you out for being sweetly concerned about me :)