Monday, January 26, 2009

Little Miss Sunshine

Today's Happy Thought is kind of special. It's a realization I had about myself.

When I first found that we had to move, I had my typical High Drama reaction. I sank to the floor and started crying and wailing "What are we gonna do?" But in about ten minutes, I pulled it together and got out the door to get on with my day. When I brought it up with my mom, I cried again, but got over it. By the time I told my sister a little later, I was upset, but able to hold back the tears. 

That night, I told Kris I was doing better, but I was just pissed. There is no denying that is sucks that we are basically being evicted, having done NOTHING wrong, and forced to move on someone else's timetable, when given our choice, we  wouldn't do any of this. So we both tapped into our anger about that and shared it with each other. And then we let it go. 

Sunday, I spent time thinking about it, talking about it with Kris's family who were up for a visit, and getting excited about possibilities. What if we get more/better appliances? Or our heat bill is less? Or our place is more modern? Or my commute could be shorter? Or we have more outdoor space? There's a million ways this could make our lives better and I started to see that without very much prodding.

By the time we went to bed last night, we were talking about it as accepted fact and planning and hypothesizing about what new good things we might find. I went through real estate listings today and I'm actually pretty stoked to look at some of these places.

And another thing. I mentioned it to my coworkers and they were very sympathetic. The one who's kind of a drama queen and very negative started to go off about how unfair it is and how much it's going to suck, in the context of feeling bad for me. But I found it annoying and I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to just experience the positive side of this change and leave the negative alone.

My point is this, and those of you who've known me a while know this is true. In past years, dealing with something like this would have been a totally negative experience. I would never stop bitching and complaining about it and would frequently stress and get upset over it, like it's the end of the world. And now, my processing time for that sort of thing is much shorter and I'm able to see the bright side without having it underlined and highlighted for me. 

I'm incredibly proud of this kind of growth. I know it has a lot to do with Kris, from him teaching me to deal better with situations like this, from him being someone I can rely on for help in situations like this, and a little because I know he gets tired of my drama in situations like this. In the future, I'd like to eliminate the High Drama reaction (possible) and only ever see the positives (doubtful), but for now I'm happy with how much I've grown and I'll celebrate that.

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