Some of you may have noticed, I recently got a little older. It's made me think, as thinking is really all I have time to do for myself lately. I think I have come tremendously far as a person, but with that comes the vision to be able to see that I have even further to go. And the person I used to be might be disappointed by that, by the idea that I"m not already perfect. But the person I am now is excited by that idea. I can learn more, I can get even better, I can turn into a so much cooler person.
I am thinking about BIG things a lot. House. Marriage. Kids. KIDS?! That idea still freaks me out. But it does so less than it used to, and the freak-out is mixed with some mild longing in that direction, for the not too distant future. I'd like to be a mother. Some time in the next ten years. And I can say that without flipping out.
Really, what I've been thinking about is giving myself what I want, getting what would make me happy. Sometimes it's replacing my sneakers with a new rad pair, sometimes it's getting my eyes checked so I can see properly, and sometimes it's pondering going back to school and changing career paths entirely.
I wish on green M&M's. I used to wish to find true love. But since I met Kris (pause for audience retching), now I wish to be happy. It's seems that if you only get one wish, you should wish for the most important thing possible, and this to me seems to be the simplest, most important truth. Life is about being happy. And I need to learn to grant myself the things that will make this so. And then I think my green M&M wishes will become self-fulfilling.
So happy 29th birthday to me. My gift to myself is the gift of permission to pursue happiness. It's supposed to be an inalienable right, but it's not quite as easy as that. You have to let yourself.