I'm suddenly in a play again, coming to the rescue of a friend who needed to replace an actress on short notice. So I'll be playing the young girlfriend of an author who come to his wife of thirty years to ask her for a divorce so he can marry me in Best of Friends, by James Elward, with the Radburn Players.
In. Two. Weeks.
This doesn't really freak me out, but it is kind of crazy. I know I'll be able to learn the lines and the blocking and all, and the cast is great, so it's really no problem. Except that I am going to have to focus all available energy on it for that time, eating, breathing, and sleeping the play, so sorry if I'm not around much. I'm going over my lines again and again, getting together costumes and makeup. I'm gonna hafta go back to full blonde so all those hoping I'd finally go back to my natural color can suck it. And I'm getting the company to pay for a fake tan as that is part of the character and I am clearly not tan.
There is one thing. And it's not really that I don't want to do it, so much as it is that I don't really look forward to the reaction I know I can expect. I have to go on a diet. Well, I don't have to. No one is making me. But if I'm going to be seen on stage and I'm supposed to believeably be a 24 year-old grad student so hot that an older man's willing to divorce his wife and marry me, I want to slim down. I have been recommended a *medical* safe healthy diet that should allow for quick weight loss without any damaging effects that shouldn't be very hard to stick to, especially since it's only 2 weeks.
I can hear it already. You're beautiful. You don't need to lose weight. You're starving yourself. I'm worried about you. Look, it's really nice of you to be concerned and maybe you're just trying to be nice because "yeah you are kind of porky" isn't a very nice thing to say. But listen to the following: I never said I wasn't beautiful, I won't starve myself, I can't make you not worry, but there's no reason to. And most importantly, oh yes I do. People don't believe me. There are like 3 people I can think of who believe me when I say I need to lose weight. I'm blessed with an attractive figure and I'm not hugely overweight so a lot of people don't think I look like I need to lose any weight.
Look people. What do you picture when you think of a woman who weighs 159 pounds? Now put my face on her because that's it. I'm not saying that I just hate that number. I hate the way my body looks at that number. I have flab all over. I have no muscle tone. Clothes that should fit me, don't. And I do not look like a perky 24 year-old rich hottie.
So I'm walking, every day, trying to get in an hour every day, and I'm going on the Scarsdale Medical Diet and I'd appreciate it if everyone would just let me do and in return, I promise you I won't damage myself in any way by doing this and I'll be much happier when I'm done and thinner and healthier.
That aside, I'm really excited to do this play and I hope you'll all come see it. Assuming any of you still want to be my friends after I've just bitched you out for being sweetly concerned about me :)